Cycho Librarian

… signs that you may be Cycho. 10. You regularly show up at work with chain marks on your pants legs. 9. You look at the wind speed and direction before leaving home or office. 8. You get aggravated by red lights not because of the wait but because you lose momentum. 7. An average speed of 18 mph on a ride is frustratingly slow to you. 6. You can think of no better way to spend July in France than in a camper with satellite TV on top of a mountain. 5. You’re just as likely to have your head turned by a nice bike as a member of the opposite sex. 4. You’ll change in restrooms in order to ride to work and meetings. 3. When driving up a 10% grade you think, “This would be a great climb.” 2. You look at your 23x700c’s and think “My tires are too fat.” And the number one sign that you may be Cycho… 1. “Man, if VdV hadn’t crashed on la Bonnette he would’ve had a chance” actually means something to you.

...things I am tired of hearing. 10. "I know I brought that book back." 9. "The streets aren't safe anymore." 8. "Are your children at risk? Details at eleven." 7. "Illegal immigrants are stealing our jobs." 6. "God hates gays." 5. "Waterboarding is an enhanced interrogation technique." 4. "Why should I pay to support a failing school system?" 3. "[X]'s campaign has raised more money than [Y]'s" 2. "Socialized medicine is bad." And the number one thing I am tired of hearing... 1. "Victory in Iraq."

Before I get to the Top Ten, I feel that I have to apologize. I've really been falling down on the job lately, and haven't been meeting my resolution of posting once a week. I could get out on a technicality by pointing out that my total number of posts works out to more than once a week, but that would be rationalizing now, wouldn't it? I especially have to apologize to the one person who checks in (almost) daily. Lord knows right now she has better things to do than to keep checking in on a blog that's not being updated. I will try to do better. I promise. Really. No, I mean it this time. Anyway, here are my Top Ten... ...Pet peeves about people in cars while I'm on my bike. 10. People who honk at me and/or yell at me to get off the road. Since you obviously didn't read the vehicle laws when you got your license, let me enlighten you: as a vehicle, it is illegal for me to ride on the sidewalk. 9. People who ignore my signals. Again, if you had read y...

Unexpected events in tomorrow's Super Bowl. 10. The avocado shortage due to the freeze in California will lead to guacamole riots in all major cities. 9. Prince will suffer a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show, but no one will notice. 8. Advertisements run during the game will consist entirely of homemade ads for local furniture, carpet, and car dealers. 7. Immediately following the coin toss both teams will realize that they have nothing to fight over and will sit in the grass on the 50-yard line making daisy chains. 6. In a surprise guerilla tactic, the makers of the Kill Your Television website purchased all tickets to the game, and no one will show up. 5. Information from an unnamed source will indicate that giant foam fingers are terrorist devices, leading to Homeland Security shutting down the game. 4. Further investigation will show that the unnamed source is a 12-year-old Patriots fan. 3. New advertising consultants hired by the NFL will change the name of the ga...

Reasons I will not be watching the State of the Union Address. 10. Bush has seen the error of his ways and will be delivering the speech I wrote for him, so I don’t need to watch. 9. The Democrat’s prebuttal will run long and the networks will pre - empt the State of the Union address in favor of the rebuttal pre -show. 8. I’m still mourning the Patriots’ loss on Sunday. 7. I’m still celebrating the Colts’ win on Sunday. 6. The speech isn ’t being simulcast in my native language of Igbo . 5. The Daily Show isn ’t covering the speech, so why should I watch it? 4. The networks will all finally realize that there are more interesting things to air than the State of the Union address. 3. It will make me angry, and you won’t like me when I’m angry. 2. The surgeon General has determined that prolonged exposure to George W. Bush’s voice causes irreparable brain damage. And the number one reason I won’t be watching the State of the Union address tonight... 1. Lindsay Lohan ’s Shocking Moment...